Inreasing bad habits.

 Chapter 20 - Slowly I was becoming an alcoholic

With the type of money I was making and the lifestyle I was living at around the age of 20 or so I noticed more and more that I would be drinking daily.

I could have spent the whole day in the bar playing pool and working too, as I was in the bar it was the perfect place for wheeling and dealing knocking out contraband.

I always had a runner with me who would drive me around or be out delivering for me.

The bar I used to always hang out in was right next to the Indian where my right hand man Butler worked at, so between the bar and the Indian lots of deals were going down daily.

If I was beginning too have too much cash on me Butler would have came and collected some of it and put it by for me.

Then after the bar it was up to the Indian for a feast and more beer, its amazing these little demons back then were slowly getting their claws into me.

I also smoked a lot of cigarettes and took the odd hard drug back then also, but I was more a drinker at 20 years old.

It wasn't until a few years after that I started getting hooked on amphetamines and then cocaine.

But the drink was beginning to become a very bad habit for me, I was getting well caught up in the pitcher plant. The analogy of the pitcher plant that I read about in Allen Carrs easy way to control alcohol about 17 years later which actually made me stop, an amazing book by the way, well worth the read!

But he says in it that dabbling with alcohol is like the fly entering the pitcher plant to get the nectar, the fly thinks this is all good as its getting all this tasty food but then when the fly decides to leave it cant, its stuck and its slowly sliding down the pitcher plant soon to be ate.

Allen Carr says alcohol is the same, we think we are getting the nectar and we also think we can give it up anytime we want but many of us cant and I was back then becoming stuck in the pitcher plant and it got me! For the next 17 years or so I drank every day!!

I could have downed a pint in one go, I had this extreme nature about me, wanting things in excess, we think we are going to attain some form of enlightenment or something out of all this over indulgence and want for passing pleasures, more money, more toys and tinsel, more more more!!! Its pure self gratifications in the highest form which is ultimately ripping us apart from within.

You know they say in Tibet that people who live good lives and earn good merit will be reborn in the heavenly realm in the western pure land.

I believe here in the West is it, this is the heavenly realm!

I mean think about it for a second, nearly every problem we have here in the western world is self created, if we go down to the social they will give you a flat paid for and give you £80 a week.

If you used your head right and learned how to eat right and grow your own food and forage, all the exterior tools are provided for here in the west for us to attain Nirvana.

Also its here in the West that if you really put your mind to it like many have done you can go from homeless to rich. This is the land of opportunity which is why half the poor parts of the world will do anything to get here.

The only down side about the western heavens is we are born into Mara the tempters delusional ways whos prime purpose is to tempt us with all these passing pleasures and fixes, trying to infect us with negative thoughts and emotions when really if we strip it all back its all our choices on whether we fall for them or not!

I fell for Mara for most of my life but then where would our souls be without him, wouldn't it be boring if life was so plan sailing and nothing to work out for yourself.

Take the Adam and Eve story, born into the garden of Eden, every day waking up in pure harmony for years and years. I think they got bored and Eve decides to hit Adam on the head with an apple and so the negative karmic cause and effect takes place and it all dominos out of control, Adam then hits Eve back and so on.

For me what the Buddhas have left is tools on how to put it all back into harmony again and then maybe we purposely wreck it again and start over, its all just a game, this game life...

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I've spent the first part of my life living as a parasite, wrecking and ruining my soul and mother nature. Now I'm leveling up with my soul debt. It's time for us all to level up.